INSANE HUMANITY: SUPERPUBIC LIFT

By Salvatore Scimino
August 29, 2013

                              WARNING. IT MAY OFFEND DELICATE PERSONS!

Khoikhoi apron. Source: Wikipedia.

Are you an unsatisfied woman, unhappy with your flower arrangements down the navel? Are you a husband or lover whose woman is complaining about having her pussy hanging down like a apron? Don´t worry. 

If any adult healthy woman has the money and is crazy enough, she can undergo a “Klingonian´s superpubic lift”, which means having a laser vaginal rejuvenation. 

In fancy medical terms, Klingonian´s superpubic lift is a labiaplasty and liposculpting, performed by a plastic surgeon, who is always willing to make lots of money butchering, tearing up, shaping and remodelling (Video 1) any sane woman who is also psychologically insane. Insane people abound nowadays. The impounding in a concrete jungle, eating processed and junk food, drinking shitty and contaminated water, breathing filthy air, the unwelcome high mortgages, the idea of getting old, worrying about the future and the radioactive fallout have made this fucking naked ape (Homo insapiens) go quite bananas.

                          Video 1. Vaginal rejuvenation.

And voilà! She now has her love package tighter than a gordian knot! She now has the vaginal rejuvenation she has been dreaming about.

But should she be an EBE (extraterrestrial biological entity), may be a Klingonian cloaked as human and you the man do not know about it, make sure you go easy on her with your submarine after the pussy lift. Otherwise she might bite your head off! And if you are a motherfucker and violator, you will get what you deserve!

There are a few choices of vaginal rejuvenation operations for daring women. But they should be careful of choosing a plastic surgeon who knows what he/she is doing and not a butcher that will leave them ready for Halloween.

What kind of women should go for a vaginal rejuvenation?

• Women who are healthy but are nut heads and unhappy with nature´s gifts and are firm believers that beauty is only skin deep,
• Women worried about the size and shape of their khoikhoi apron,
• Women who are healthy but want to impress her female friends or lovers talking or showing off her brand new remodelled genital foldings,
•  Women who are sexually dysfunctional or experience pain and discomfort whilst fucking because their pussy labia or khoikhoi aprons get in the way. 

Should the problems persist after the aesthetic genital plastic operations, women should send their men to the plastic surgeon to have their pricks remodelled, either reduced or sliced in two, in which case they could make porn movies for the opossums community (Fig. 1).

Figure 1. Virginia opossum male (Didelphis virginiana).

Aesthetic female genital plastic surgery in the market 

A pussy lift or Klingonian´s Superpubic lift comprises the following procedures: 

Mons pubis rejuvenation

• Reduction of the pubic Mount Everest: Women with excessive fat or skin in the the mons pubis (Venus Mound), the hairy triangle down below her navel, can have a liposuction done on this area or have the excess skin cut away. The result will be a smooth and young looking mons venus instead of Himalaya´s highest peak. 

Labia majora inflation

• Labia majora inflation: This procedure takes fat from other parts or her body and injects it to the labia majora (outer vaginal lips) to fill them up and make her pussy look fuller as in young chicks.

Labiaplasty

• Labia majora reduction (labia majoraplasty): A surgical procedure through liposuction to reduce fat from the labia majora (outer vaginal lips) so her khoikhoi apron will have a "better looking shape". She will not have to worry about her damn pussy lips sticking like rooster´s head wattles out of the bathing suit at the beach or swimming pool, to the admiration of voyeurs and sex starved males.
• Labia minora reduction (labia minoraplasty): a surgical procedure to reduce or reshape the labia minora (inner vaginal lips), in other words cutting away a piece of the the oversized inner vaginal lips so they will not stick out like turkey´s wattles.

While at the surgeon´s table, she can have an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) and/or get rid of the Michelline tires with a liposuction job (Video 2).

                                     Video 2. Belly liposuction (abdominoplasty).



Healthy but wacky

Unless a vaginal reconstruction is needed after an accident, it seems that any healthy woman willing to have her pussy tucked for aesthetic reasons falls into the wacky category and should have her head machinery examined and put in order by a specialist on crazy people. 

This is a waste of time and money for fixed and mishap electrical sparks in a woman´s brains in need of new paradigms! 

Which goes to show that man (Homo insapiens) has delicate brains. A simple unloving whisper, an imaginary horrible ghost lurking in the dark or a neurological merrygoround fixed on a cultural idiotic fad imposed by the global owners of the human flock are few of the ingredients you need to make him go berserk.

No wonder he has fucked up planet Earth!

Such is human insanity!



References

Siemionow M. Z. & Eisenmann-Klein M. (Eds.) (2010). Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. Springer-Verlag London Limited, London, UK. 775 p. 

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