IRON SAUSAGE: A MAN´S BEST FRIEND OR WORST ENEMY

Por Salvatore Scimino

30 de marzo de 2012

The male of the Homo sapiens species is a very strange creature indeed. It looks like it has semen in his head instead of brains. It is always on the look out to maximize his genes with a willing female.

It could be said that man is a sophisticated bonobo, except that these African primates are an easy going bunch, peaceful whereas the naked ape is very aggressive and violent, sort of an innate assassin. Man has the tendency of going about destroying everything that stands his way, to his own demise.

To measure a Homo sapiens male´s worth is very easy. All you have to do is to take a look at the content of his wallet or you can measure the length of his penis. It´s that simple.

Regarding the latter, if it happens that he´s got a large member (20-25 cm), he takes pride in letting know his male friends about it and the funny thing is that they admire him for it.

Although some people, including gutsy urologists, would argue and consider that a man like him, high above normal in size, is some sort of an alien hybrid cross experiment between Equus caballus and Homo sapiens! Perhaps he even got some centaur recessive genes from those freak experiments carried out by the Nephilim in Sumer thousands of years ago.

A man with such endownment finds very few females that are willing to accommodate him, except perhaps some prostitutes or more frequently he ends up raping the mares and cows of his neighbour´s stable.

Poor is that male  nature did not give him much down his navel. If his most precious muscle is of reduced size he feels miserable, unworthy, laughed at by his friends, and sometimes may even consider drastic solutions to his "problem" like committing suicide, as it did a young male of Bonao, República Dominicana. He severed his own life because his was too small, where you males know it hurts the most.

Wessells et al. (1996) measured the flaccid and erect penile dimensions of 80 physically normal men and found that the average unstretched flaccid length (UFL) was 8.85 cm, the stretched flaccid length (SFL) 12.45 cm, and erection length (EL) 12.89 cm. The average mid-shaft circumference for the flaccid and erect penises was 9.71cm and 12.30 cm, respectively. The mean erect increase in length was 4.04 cm.

Wessells et al. (1996) considered adult men with penile length of greater than 4 cm in UFL or greater than 7.5 cm in SFL or EL to have normal penile length.

Most men think bigger is better. And there are hundreds of gadgets and techniques that claim to give men peace of mind. Of course, most of these are meant for the fools that want to spend money against Mother nature.

In some countries like China where the length of the penises and size of the scrotal sacs are considered signs of virility and health,  men subject their genitalia to a great deal of stretching by applying weights at specialized gymns. The idea is to get an "iron penis" (Video 1). I suppose they eventually end up being some sort of minotaurs down under.

Video 1. An iron penis gymn in China.

In the West, when drug treatments and therapies for erectile dysfunction (ED) fail or are contraindicated, not desired or both, men subject their bulge to the urologist´s scalpel.

There are three kinds of penile implants (Fig. 1): soft-silicone, semi-rigid (malleable and mechanic) and hydraulic. The latter consists of two types: the two-piece inflatable and the three-piece inflatable.

Figure 1. Examples of penile implants. Above, hydraulic; below, semi-rigid rods. Source: Mulcahy JJ (Ed.) (2006). Male Sexual Function: A Guide to Clinical Management. 2nd Edition.

The installation of a three-piece hydraulic penile gadget is complicated. It requires a reservoir placed in the abdominal cavity. Urologists tend to recommend this type, for it provides the best rigidity and flaccidity. Once it is installed, the macho is ready to go, like the inner tube of your bike. Pump up to use it and deflate it when you finish off your bionic job.

If you or your urologist want to avoid having a sac stuck deep in your belly, then the two-piece prosthesis is your choice.

Any adult human male who wants a PVC penis should have an idea of what such an operation entails. Video 2 gives a good idea what is to have an inflatable implant stuffed into the penis. Ouch!! It must be hell the post-operatory recovery!!! Homo sapiens is a strange beast indeed!! And stupid too!!

                                  Video 2. Inflatable penile implant for impotence.

If you males out there want to have a cyborg´s penis that would make you feel a sexual Popeye, go ahead. Video 3 shows how it works. There is no guarantee that it will work 100% sure.                

                            

                                        Video 3. How penile implants work.

         

My question is: What would it happen if the implant blows up inside the female whilst you are busy huffing and puffing?    

Another question is: What are the complications of having these devices implanted? The most frequent ones are infections  by bacteria.

Unless Dr.  Leonard McCoy operates you with a tricorder up in deep space, here on Earth you will always be exposed to invasive microbes as soon as your skin is open. This is one of the biggest problems at hospitals. 

To solve this problem, some companies have come up with a solution: applying patented anti-bacterial coatings to the prosthesis. As if not were enough the pollution we are already subjected to under the hood of mankind´s wonderful screwed up civilization.

So you machos now  have a few solutions to choose from to treat your ED and get the stress off your mind. One is to sweep up your trash out of your dirty mind. Another could be reaching out for the pills, injections or vacuums. Third, listen to what your wife or girlfriend has to say.

And finally you could enriched the bank account of a greedy physician by letting him turn your manhood muscle into a  bionic rocket and join the Cube´s collective in Star Trek! It is all up to you. 

Beam me up, Mr. Scotty!!!                            


                                        References

Kandeel FR (Ed.) (2007). Male Sexual Dysfunction: Pathophysiology and Treatment. Informa Healthcare, New York. 541 pp. Scimino Index: 3.

Mulcahy JJ (Ed.) (2006). Male Sexual Function: A Guide to Clinical Management. 2nd Edition. Humana Press, New Jersey. 494 pp. Scimino Index: 3.

Probert JL (Ed.) (2009). Urology. An Atlas of Investigation and Diagnosis. Clinical Publishing, Oxford. 125 pp. Scimino Index: 3.

Wessells H, Lue TF & McAninch JW (1996). Penile length in the flaccid and erect states: guidelines for penile augmentation. J. Urol., 156 (3): 995-997. Scimino Index: 3.

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