ALIENS BLAST HUMANS: CHICKEN MEAT - A NERVE DEMOLITION DERBY

Source: Herbalogic.

By Gundhramns Hammer & Salvatore Scimino
January 23, 2015
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There have been a time when shooting had been no problem for Expositor Merdedumpster, a fat cat in his mid-forties. 

A man no longer man. A big shot who had been widely known in his neighbourhood for his grand outdoor parties where legal, sublegal, paralegal, illegal, underlegal and hyperillegal powerful people gathered around a round table full of barbecued chicken. 

The birds had been cooked by the expert hands of Expositor´s French chef who was terribly in love with a fancy outdoor Swedish gas grill sitting under an old walnut tree. 

But now, not even a single shot could come from Expositor´s cannon. He had not a single ammunition left. 

His firing machine was dead. He was dry. 

In fact, as far as he saw his fucking life, he was finished. 

No money in the world could ever cure his damaged shooting apparatus. 

The whole damn thing had been destroyed, shot down by a single shot from an invisible enemy. 

An invisible enemy that came hidden to his party but strong enough to come out of its hiding place to put in place what it wanted to put in the place where all things come down to its place to get its place in the place of all things with a place.

The hidden enemy attacked Expositor in full daylight without any fear whatsoever. 

The creature that shot Expositor had an ingenious cloaking device that had fooled even the top scientists. 

It waited patiently until it was unwrapped from the package of sophisticated polymers that had protected it. The fire of the battle for its survival had put it in red alert until it was completely ready to fire all it had to win the battle.

Everything was in place to take its place. The creature was lose. 

Expositor´s enemy shot one shot at him and this shot became another shot and this in turn in another shot until there was a shooting hell of shots coming down on this man. 

Merdedumspter had never been exposed to such a powerful and invisible enemy. He did not know what to do under the rain of shots. 

His body tembled like a San Francisco earthquake. No longer being able to withstand such firing power, Expositor Merdedumpster pooped his personal shit dumpster and fainted right in the middle of his biggest barbecued party ever. 

His girlfriend, Somalia Pan de la Discordia, went crazy that day, for she thought she was going to go back to her days of eating chili beans day and night.

But the creature´s never abated in the battle field. Its massive asault went on and on. 

And being so experienced in matters that matter to bring the matter out of the matter, Expositor´s invisible enemy knew where to hit to bring its own fucking enemy down. 

All the creature´s shots together eventually brought Expositor´s army of soldiers defending his place down to its final resting place in the place where many battles had taken place in Expositor´s place or out of place.

For a moment before the attack, Expositor had had a funny, strange feeling as if aliens were watching him. He had been uneasy as easy as he was eased out his easiness.

And he was right. Aliens had attacked him. But not aliens from Mars. 

The invisible aliens had beam down and went down without Expositor or anyone at his place realising it. 

Before Expositor knew it, he had been invaded to the point of making him a fucking gunsmoke with neither gun nor smoke to ever smoke.

Twenty-five more people fell to the ground under the invisible creature´s firing power that very same day.

The paramedics went fucking crazy that day, carrying the big wheels who were suffering from a terrible case of troubled waters and dumping waste.

Everything happened so quickly that before the day was over, Expositor has lost his gun and bullets without even having fired one fucking shot. And five more of his mafia buddies ended paralised for life in various degrees in different parts of their bodies but mostly the legs and tongues. 

How about the rest?

The rest of the chicken eaters at the party had heavy megaruns for a whole month, which meant frequent ins and outs of the hospital.

Not even the salad loving Somalia Pan de la Discordia escaped from this ordeal. She was extremely upset with her boyfriend Expositor. 

But for the time being, despite being worried she was not having to have any more shooting sessions, Somalia was more concerned of taking care of another matter that was in charge of getting rid of dead matter. 

Somalia´s ass was totally roasted from going too much to the bathroom (WC). 

Every time she went to the WC to compete with her beloved Merdedumpster, she ended up with a massive smoking and burning black hole ready to swallow the Milky Way!

What the fuck had happened to these pack of well-to-do and bad-to-do fucking chupacabras of chickens?

The culture and genomic analyses at the hospital laboratory clearly showed that this bunch of wealthy creeps had been attacked by an antibiotic resistant strain of a myelin chewing bacteria named Campylobacter jejuni.

In medical terms, Expositor Merdedumpster and his five friends had fallen prey to a chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (CIDP) caused by a severe infection of Campylobacter jejuni. 

Expositor Merdedumpster was hit by the Guillain-Barré syndrome (GBS), a terrible inflammatory disease, triggered by the Campylobacter jejuni infection. 

His peripheral nervous system was damaged. He was suffering from various ailments, some of which were getting worse with the passing days, such as:

• Numbness, 
• Pain, 
• A leaky urinary bladder, 
• A teeter-tottering blood pressure, 
• A messy heart rate, 
• Weak facial muscles, resulting in a crooked face that made him look like a nasty Caribbean pirate, and 
• Loss of bowel control, thus honouring his peculiar last name, Merdedumpster (shit dumper) for sure.

After fighting death at the hospital for a couple of weeks, he was brought home. 

He was dumped on his fancy expensive bed where he would be the rest of his life, if you can call that life. 

Furthermore, he needed artificial ventilation and required assistance to swallow teaspoonfuls of his favourite dish: Mashed potatoes.

In a nutshell, Expositor Merdedumpster was a waste basket. 

He lost control of his arms, his legs, his ass, respiratory and facial muscles and worse yet, his sperm shooting apparatus was finished for good. 

Due to the terrible Campylobacter jejuni infection, his immune system was producing antibodies to his own gangliosides, complex glycolipid molecules found on the cell membranes, a complication which eventually chewed up his axons. This is what GBS is all about.

How about the rest of the folks at the party?

The rest of the chicken eating gang that day also suffered a massive attack by the same microorganism. 

They also had needed medical attention too. They suffered from an acute case of gastroenteritis. They all ended up with an opened and burning Darien Gap (i.e., butts). 

But they were lucky not to have been fucked up by the Campylobacter jejuni´s nerves demolition derby.

Used to medioeval European ways of poultry cooking, Simon Pisoutreur, Expositor´s beloved chef, cooked chicken which was contaminated with nonvisible shit which is a flourishing source of this bacterium (Campylobacter jejuni), which has many strains. 

The barbecued chicken breasts a la Française could not detain the invisible invasion.

Postinfection health complications linked to, associated with or caused by Campylobacter jejuni include:

• Irritable bowl syndrome,
• Reactive arthritis,
• Guillain-Barré syndrome (a nerve demolition derby already mentioned above),
• Miller Fisher syndrome,
• Isaacs´ syndrome (neuromyotonia),
• Alzheimer´s disease,
• Huntington´s disease,
• Parkinson´s disease, 
• Sexual dysfunction,
• Etc. 

Everybody who is into eating chicken cadavers is prone to get these bacteria attacks. It doesn´t matter the meat inspection.

Besides, who in the fuck will check the thousands of chickens killed at the slaughterhouses daily, year round (Video 1). No inspectors can handle an entire slaughterhouse output. These people just take a few samples here and there for inspection (pre-mortem, post-mortem, risk-based, lab tests, etc.) They also follow simple or sophisticated statistical protocols to come to final conclusions which sometimes may be tampered with under the pressure of the power of special interest groups. And the meat industry´s lobby is indeed powerful!

Video 1. Poultry slaughterhouse: Crates, feather, gut and degutter full of shit can mean only one thing: Shit contaminated poultry meat.

And these matters are further complicated under the hood of information asymmetry.

It is not until a bunch of people get sick from eating shit contaminated chicken when the law will come into place after taking place what most people do not see that takes place. After going back and forth, eventually there is a massive chicken meat recall from the stores.

And no matter what the human chupacabras do at the slaughterhouse, be it cutting off the shitty parts, dipping the carcass in chlorine, injecting chemical crap, etc., chicken meat will always be contaminated with shit. It is an unavoidable fact.

For example, according to a recent report, two-thirds of the chicken produced in the United Kingdom is contaminated with this disease-causing Campylobacter jejuni (Video 2). And this is only one of the many pathogens (e.g., Escherichia coli, Salmonella, Listeria, Clostridium, etc.) that this kind of meat always has hanging on for a free ride. 

Video 2. Sick chicken: The dirty truth about the UK´s poultry industry.

Chicken meat is not the only one carrying this bug. Campylobacter jejuni is also found in beef, pork, lamb, turkey, and horse meat. Exotic meats (ostrich, buffalo, etc.) are also contaminated with C. jejuni. This bug thrives and lurks in the meat package in retail stores.

Some researchers acting as their own guinea pigs, i.e., self-infecting with Campylobacter jejuni, have found that it only takes 500-800 of these bacteria for you to get sick.

Now you know. If you want to risk your life getting your own nerve demolition derby (GBS), it is all up to you.

We are not responsible.

Why not considering switching your childhood programmed meat diet?

Lentils are not bad. They are delicious!

Besides, future generations will thank you for it!

Mon Capitaine, what can chicken eating people do to avoid being fodder of this Campylobacter jejuni´s nerve demolition derby (GBS)?

Simple, mon ami. Quit eating chicken meat!

REMEMBER!

YOU ONLY NEED ONE SHOT FROM A CAMPYLOBACTER JEJUNI TO GET YOUR OWN NERVE DEMOLITION DERBY!

DON´T BE A ZOMBIE! 

DON´T BE A MORON! 

ACT SMART AT LEAST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE! 

UNLESS YOU´RE IN A HURRY TO JOIN THE LABYRINTHODONTS,
DON´T FUCK WITH MYELIN CHEWING BACTERIA IN CHICKEN!

DON´T BE A GBS STATISTICS!

STAY AWAY FROM CHICKEN MEAT!

KEEP SANE!

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