EARTH´S WORST PARASITES: HUMANS - THE ECOLOGICAL RUCKSACK OF CELESTIA´S NEWEST KITCHEN TOY

Source: 123RF.

By Gundhramns Hammer & Salvatore Scimino

December 19, 2015

All hell broke loose. It looked as if Celestia had just been beamed down to Earth after a terrible fight with the Klingons out of the dark sky. She was not celestial at all at home anymore.

Lately she had not been sleeping well. She was having terrible nightmares. She used to wake up in the middle of the night, screaming like crazy, as if yelling at strange Creepshow or alien monsters.

To make things worse, her husband was beginning to worry about his iron horse, frequently complaining about his reproductive resources, telling his friends at work that Celestia was too edgy to ask her some sweet candy from her factory. Nothing was like a week ago.

Her kids avoided her at all costs.

Even the family dog stayed away from her, not because of her smell, for as far as dogs are concerned humans always stink of poop, but because she bitched too much for nothing.

At work, she used to get sleepy. But she was not so sleepy to let her boss, a rascal and charming devil named Trundro, drill his alligator tail on her pastry. 

Outside home, not following the promiscuous times full of sexually transmitted diseases, she was always on guard for any strange knights trying to get passed the walls of her castle, a place reserved only for her beloved husband.

It happened that Celestia was very attractive at her 40´s, so much so that Trundro had been hoping to beam her up to the back of the Moon.

This man had seen Bella and the Beast movie too many times that he already thought he was a king, always dreaming of a good time whenever he got the time to put the needle of his clock on time.

Not a chance for this philanderous man. Celestia´s candy was just for her man. Her not-of-this-time faithfulness was exactly what kept her husband on her side like a lap dog.

But… what the heck was wrong with Celestia, anyway?

Ever since her neighbour Tangie came over and told her that her refrigerator was too old and dilapidated, not as classy as hers, Celestia´s head had been spinning like an antique Victrola phonograph´s scratched record, going around and around over the same damn screechy tune.

What was her problem?

She was thinking incessantly of getting a new refrigerator!!!

What put more wood to her fire was that she could not find the right timing to ask her husband, a man named Putrefacto, that she wanted a new toy in her kitchen for Christmas.

Putrefacto was too damn stingy and she was afraid he would rot instantly, thus giving credit to his weird name, right on the spot upon hearing about her wishful thinking.

Until one day, when she saw the opportunity. She spotted their pooch wagging his tail in the kitchen early that day. It was a good sign for her to go ahead. Her husband was quite happy that particular morning, smelling good after having shaved off, trying to sound like Pavarotti to no avail.

• Honey, she asked, what´s the matter with you this morning?

• Babe, I forgot to tell you last night that I have gotten a raise, he answered, wrapping his words in a mellifluous song.

• Wonderful!, she remarked.

• Honey…. I´ve been thinking that we need a new refrigerator, she spread it out. At last.

• But…Babe, what´s wrong with the one we´ve got, Putrefacto growled, scaring the shit out of their pet which was munching on his favourite morning biscuit.

• Oh… It.. It´s just it doesn´t make ice as it used to do. Besides, sometimes it acts up, she smoothly said like a purring kitten.

Of course, there was nothing wrong with their damn machine which was only two years old.

She did not dare tell her husband that Tangie had annoyed her immensely with her snooty remark about her fridge. She had it going around on her mind as if those words had been nailed on her brain. 

And Celestia was not about to let her friend get away with this. Not this time, at least.

In this world, very few people are happy with what they have. They always see the grass greener on the other side of the fence. They have been taught to do so since early age.

Consuming Earth´s natural resources like there was no tomorrow is the in thing to do.

Anyway, did Celestia get her new toy?

She did!

All she had to do was to pass swiftly her hand on her maniac husband´s wiener sausage and whisper to his ear: Honey, get your Navarone gun ready for tonight!!... And he quickly gave in to her shopping wishes.

He even forgot about changing his damn name! Also, the idea of getting a brand new car to impress his buddies went out if his mind for a few seconds. 

Putrefacto was just as maniac as her on getting new things.

Celestia and Putrefacto got the damn new fridge on the weekend a couple of days before Christmas and things went back to normal like magic.

Even Lucky, their pet, noticed the difference, especially at night. No more screams coming from hell bothering his delicate ears at night.

Of course, Putrefacto´s butt explosions fueled by the carotid-clogging and colon-demolishing cheeseburgers went on as usual, bringing some pleasure into Lucky´s boring life, giving him something joyful to sniff at, to remind him of bygone days before domestication.

The ecological rucksack of Celestia´s new kitchen toy

Being so careless about the environment, the above family, although it is a fiction which approaches reality, shows the state of things today. Worldwide.

Most people on this planet do not give a damn about Mother Nature. That is one of our biggest problems.

Generally speaking, people just look at their toes, noses or asses. And worry to death about fucking or getting fucked too.

But we humans are parasitising on Earth like hell.

Mon Capitaine, we humans (Homo insapiens) are, so far, Mother Earth´s worst parasites, some more than others but parasites nevertheless.

Oui, mon ami.

Let us say that Celestia´s new refrigerator weighs 200 kg.

This would mean that the “ecological rucksack” or ecological backpack (Fig. 1) of this family´s newest contraption - the refrigerator - would be roughly 1,714 kg of resources. 

Figure 1. The ecologic rucksack of a gold wedding ring. Source: Akita Eco-Town Center. 

But depending on the materials used to construct Celestia´s fridge, its ecological rucksack could much, much more. For our purposes we will leave it at that. If you are a smart aleck out there, be our guest.

According to a recent report by The Friends of the Earth (2000), “the ecological rucksack comprises all resources used to produce the product, to transport it between factories and from factory to the consumer. The rucksack of a product also includes the material and energy used by the shop selling it (its construction, maintenance, heating and cooling, etc.), the energy and materials needed to use the product (electricity or fuel, for example) and finally everything that is required for safe dismantling and/or disposal.”

Let us now extrapolate a little bit more on this fridge issue.

Imagine that the blood-sucking global elite found a way to do away with poverty worldwide and would make each one of the 7 billion humans on this planet buy a refrigerator like Celestia´s 200 kg machine for an entire year, then you would get an ecological rucksack of 11,998X10⁹ kg of resources.

In other words, the ecological rucksack of the all of the acquired 200 kg fridges by the 7 billion people would be approximately 12 billion tonnes of resources in a single year.

This would be 20% from all the 60 billion tonnes a year of global resource consumption now caused by all products used by humans, according to Friends of the Earth (2000).

That´s a hell of a lot of natural resources for just one item, mon ami.

Now, mon ami, tell me… Could Earth sustain this kind of human parasitising?

Nope!... We´re are fucked!

References

Friends of the Earth (2000). Overconsumption? Our use of the world´s natural resources. Friends of the Earth Austria, Heidenreichstein, Austria. 36 p.

Schmidt-Bleek F. (1994). Factor 10: Ecological Rucksacks asn MIPS. Translated from the original Wieviel Umweldt braucht der Mench, - MIPS, das Maß für ökologisches Wirtschaften by Reuben Deumling. Draft Version 9, March 2011. Berkeley, Ca, usa. 165 p.

Disclaimer:

This post is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. Any likeness to actual persons, situations or places in the world, either real or imaginary, is strictly coincidental.

THEY DON´T TAKE VIAGRA BUT CAN BE AS SOLID AS A ROCK

Source: Netheriel via Deviant Art.

By Gundhramns Hammer
December 9, 2015

They do not take Viagra but when erected they can be huge and as solid as a rock. Their erections are usually straight, standing tall, scraping the clouds so they can project power to the world.

Also, they have the tendency to beat up or squeeze out of the way smaller ones, when convenience or greed get a hold of them.

Hidden at the bottom, they have massive and impenetrable balls full of sperm.

Unless something goes awfully wrong, they don´t normally suffer from premature ejaculation.

And when they ejaculate, their seed spills over everywhere and as a result, myriads of long lasting or short-lived babies are born all over the planet, which eventually are connected directly or indirectly to poor people´s misery, pollution and destruction of the environment.

What the fuck are they? 

They are the banks as phallic symbols.

And they are phallic symbols.

Voilà... Here is an example (Fig. 1)!

Figure 1. China´s Merchant Bank . Source: Wikipedia. 

Is man´s world not impregnated and bursting at its seams with sex?

So, don´t be surprised at all about the sexual symbolism contained and expressed by bank towers.

The bank vaults stand for the balls, the money is the equivalent of their sperm and the babies are all kinds of businesses, pharaonic projects and big or small enterprises that spring up all over the planet, whose greed one way or another feeds the thousands upon thousands of consumers whose jaws end up chewing up Mother Earth  to no end.

Consumerism is married and deeply tied to banking. 

In cahoots with something else too.

And, as many of you already know, the folks who own and control these banks tend to be or are ruthless creatures. 

To them, business is business when business if what business is for business when in business to do this kind of ruthless business.

If you do not play by the rules set by these life-suckers when doing business with them, you can get penetrated up to the gills, finishing the rat-race line out on the streets, with nothing but your clothes on to cheer your forlorn downfall.

Go ahead and ask anyone who has borrowed money from a bank, lost his job and could not pay them back the loan. They will tell you all about these heartless concrete and steel money-making places run by mind-hived people.

Do you want to penetrate the veil of one of these places to get a glimpse of what makes it tick?

Watch the following documentary (Video 1):

Video 1. The Bank of America. Uploaded by super channel.

Mon Capitaine, what´s the future of banking?

The experts say it looks bright, especially and since people always fight. 

And from what we can see around today, with so much warmongering and bloodshed going on (e.g., Syria), you can be sure that humans will keep giving bankers their lives for a long time to come, mon ami.

Fuck!

See you later, alligators!

Source: Jessica´s Health Blog.

SEEKING OUT NEW LIFE FORMS

Source: StarSeeds.Net.

By Gundhramns Hammer

November 16, 2014
Select, paste & translate 

Why the fuck waste so much money seeking out new life in outer space when we have plenty of new life forms right here on Earth?

Uploaded by TheHouseOfJokes.

Uploaded by sirfraijo.

Uploaded by Marko Vuckovic.

These brave new life forms are fucking free to explore new ways of dressing up to cope with the hardships of their planet´s reality.

Long live, America!

See you later alligators! 

Source: Jessica´s Health Blog.

WARS AT YOUR DEMAND: THEY DO IT FOR YOU!

Source: CrossRoadsNews.

By Gundhramns Hammer
October 31, 2014
Select, paste & translate
 

They work for you. They sweat their butts for you. They suffer heat and cold waves, desert storms, rainstorms, insect and snake bits... In other words, they risk their butt for you. They invade for you. They fight for you. They do the gruesome and bloody job of war for you. They die for you. 

They do everything for you: The maniac, demanding consumer. 

They do it for you so that you can have all the things - anything and everything - at the stores and supermarkets anytime. Anything your media constructed whims tell you to have, anything you have been made to think is good for you even though the stuff may be killing you or the Earth´s Biosphere is being slowly killed by you in the long run. 

In a nutshell, they fight wars at your demand. They do it for you!

And they are paid by you!

The companies that get the raw materials and manufacture all of the stuff for you at the end of the chain don´t paid a damn penny for those that are standing ready to fight and die for you. 

The whole fucking system has been so cleverly mounted so that the butt-sweating taxpayers paid for all their own rides.

After all, the industrialists have figured out, if you demand what you demand in a never ending vicious circle, you should pay for it.

So, don´t go about complaining about wars. Check closely your damn maniac shopping whims and sprees instead.

Here is a documentary (Videos 1-3) about your army and its global bases, your people who are always ready to fight and die for your fucking wasting habits (Videos 4-5):

English

Video 1. Standing army.

Deutsch

Video 2. Standing army: Die geheime Strategie.

Español

Video 3. Ejercito permanente.

Video 4. A bunch of Homo sapiens burning tires.

Video 5. Another buch of Homo sapiens burning bike tires.

Mon Capitaine... We are all fucked!

Hmm.... Homo sapiens?

Fuck!!

AFFLUENZA: FULL OF CRAP FROM THE BOTTOM TO THE TOP AND FEELING SCREWED UP

Source: Affluenza: The all-consuming epidemic.

By Gundhramns Hammer & Salvatore Scimino
October 12, 2014
Select, paste & translate
 

The stars are always shining within ourselves. 

It is just that we refuse to see them.

The authors.

Some starving people would give their souls up just to have a dish full of cooked rice and beans. Sadly, there are too many people suffering from hunger in this mismanaged world.

Others, the ones that are drowning in possesions and have too much food, most of which is thrown away or wasted, would not give a fuck about such plain yet delicious dish unless they were broke.

The already over-stuffed people will only take more crap in when they are feeling depressed, insignificant or lacking any sense to go on with their lives. 

As far as food is concerned, for those that are swimming in abundance, anything edible that is appealing to the limbic system of their brains, especially a fancy hamburger that would stimulate their taste buds with a shot of MSG (monosodium glutamate) in it, will find its way to their bellies.

The funny thing about mankind is that as soon as their physical needs are met and they feel secure economically, they usually find themselves falling into a dark pit inside their brains.

Thus, emotional emptiness settles in.

Man is a delicate thing, after all. He ain´t god. 

What do we have now? 

The folks at the bottom, they will be in constant fear and danger of being eaten and taking and shit. 

Those in the middle and its shades, they are eaten too and whenever they can, they will fill their pit with overspending and overconsuming. 

It is said that in the United States, for example, "families are not just spending more of what they earn, they are also spending what they have not earned” (Warren, 2003).

The ones on top, the oligarchs, they will find ingenious ways to dissimulate their emotional holes and attempt to fill up this dark cavern with a humungous chain of ambitions, greed and killing-offs to get all of the power that money can buy as long as they live. A life of fucking up the Biosphere. 

These are in a race against time which will eventually catch up with them and screw them up. Like everyone else, they are eaten too.

All is all, the whole fucking thing is a chupacabra feast.

Why feeling empty?

There may be many reasons.

For those having plenty to eat and waste, what you eat is one of them.

In a globalised world where rich and poor now munch on processed and GMOs foods, what do you expect with a brain constantly soaked and marinated in a pool of crap from all the artificial foods people that are into this business of overconsumption eat from day one?

It is now known that if you treat badly your intestinal microbiota, overtaxing and overcharging it with all kinds of crap, these bugs that control you, will protest and give you hell.

In other words, your crappy food overconsumption will mess up your gut microbiota which is neatly tuned and hooked to your immune system which in turn will be screwed up and as a result,  via the gut-brain axis (Fig. 1), you will be plunged in a world of "black moods" (Smythies & Smythies, 2014) inside your head. 

Figure 1. The microbiota-gut-brain axis. Disorders of the intestinal microbiota can impact on this axis to alter behavioural responses. For further information, go to the reference section. Source: Cryan & O´Mahoney (2011).

So, now you are full of crap from the bottom (belly and gut) to the top (head).

What will happen next?

If you are one of those who happen to have more than what you need and are spending more and more and enjoying less and less, dwelling in a "developed" nation (ecologically poisoned place), in such a state plus being constantly bombarded by the elite´s media to spend and consume more and more, you are most likely to fall prey to the new contagious disease: The afluenza. 

If so, you have now become fodder.

And you might be already suffering from affluenza too, without your realising it.

Graaf et al. (2005) define Affluenza as "a painful, contagious, socially transmitted condition of overload, debt, anxiety, and waste resulting from the dogged pursuit of more."

In a nutshell, despite your overabundance, overspending and overconsumption, eating and wasting the future generations´ biospheric cake, screwing up and down, you are still feeling fucked up. Feeling like crap.

So, whether you are suffering from affluenza or not, the following documentary (Video 1) will give you an idea what this is all about or where you are about.

Video 1. Affluenza: The all-consuming epidemic.

Almost 5.000 million years of evolution on Earth since the beginning to get to humans, the biggest predators and shitters on the planet, ¿just for this?

Fuck!!

Folks, the stars are always shining within ourselves. It is just that we refuse to see them.

We have found them. Have you?

See you later alligators!

References

Cryan J.F. & O´Mahoney S.M. (2011). The Microbiome-Gut-Brain Axis: From the Bowel to Behavior. Neurogastroenterol. Motil., 23: 187-192.

Graaf J. de, Wann D., Naylor T.H. & Horsey D. (2005). Affluenza: The All-Consuming Epidemic. Second Edition. Berrett-Kholehler Publihser, Oakland, CA, USA. 288 p.

Smythies L.E. & Smythies J.R. (2014). Microbiota, the Immune System, Black Moods and the Brain - Melancholia Updated. Frontiers Human Neurosci., 8 (720): 1-4.

Warren E. (2003). The Over-Consumption Myth and other Tales of Economics, Law and Morality. Yale University, New Haven, CT, USA. 23 p.